Dear friends,

Catholica Australia came into being through a myriad of influences. Chief among them had been a mix of both very positive and very frustrating experiences a group of us had encountered in trying to conduct an open and inclusive discussion about matters spiritual, theological and Catholic on the CathNews discussion board. Another important influence though was a private discussion list run by Professor Len Swidler in America that Milly and I were invited to join by Professor Swidler following my meeting him in San Francisco in 2004. He's named his list Katholica and in fact the idea for our name came directly from borrowing Len's idea in a name.

	This graphic was still sitting on the page when I came to do the layout from the story we did a few weeks ago on the Latin Mass. I couldn't help thinking as I looked at it this morning if one of the reasons so many of us object to going back to the pre-Vatican II forms of Catholicism, and why we object so strongly to this relentless war that has been waged by some to undo all the reforms of Vatican II, comes down to a reluctace to want to go back to the naivety and dishonesty that also seemed to be also locked up in the piety and social conformism that was part of that thinking and theology? …Brian Coyne

The characteristic that has most attracted me over the years on the Katholica list is that here one has a collection of educated Christian people, predominantly but not exclusively Catholic, who were discussing issues of faith, religion and spirituality with enormous honesty and without "playing games" trying to "please the Pope" or "please God" in the hope or expectation of reward or career advancement. It was just "brutally honest" discussion, quite often with serious disagreements in perspective but overwhelmingly carried out in a spirit of brotherhood and sisterhood and mutual respect even when one party disagreed with another. I think in the entire time of my membership of that community I have only witnessed one instance of "board wars" where Len and the moderators had to intervene to get things back on an even keel. One of my dreams with Catholica Australia has been to try and emulate the atmosphere we have enjoyed in that cyberspace in a more public environment.

Like Catholica Australia, and all cyber communities and parishes I have ever belonged to, there might be many members or, in the case of discussion boards, lurkers and readers, in the main though the conversation is carried along by a relatively small number of contributors. (In that place I am principally a lurker these days but I do endeavour to always keep abreast of the roughly 20-30+ posts that appear in that place each day from all around the world. Katholica has around 210 members and the conversation is basically carried by about 30 people who post and about a third of them would post every day.)

The other day I came across a post on Katholica that I thought illustrated exceedingly well the sort of brutal honesty we need back in our Church if it is to again re-connect to the people whom it is meant to be serving. You'll find out more about the writer, George Bouchey, through what he has to write. I have obtained his permission to re-publish his posts here and he has in fact amplified them so that they are free-standing outside the context of the original conversation that triggered George to air these opinions.

The original context of his comments was a discussion on the Sexual Abuse Scandal within the Church and in particulat discussion about the forces that have triggered the abuse — and the cover-up. What he writes also fits into the discussions we have had here on that subject from time to time but also, more pertinently, to the commentaries we have published over the last year on the subjects of marriage, relationship breakdown, divorce as well as the changing perceptions educated Catholics bring to their evaluations of what the institution might have to say on any subject. These, I submit, are typical ofthe views of educated Catholics who have "seen life", raised families through to adulthood, and who today always synthesize what the institutional leadership might have to say about any subject through the lens of brutal reality as they have experienced it at the coalface of life. In the main the members of Katholica are significantly older than myself and Milly and all of them have held, and in many cases continue to hold significant positions of leadership within the lay Church. …Brian Coyne

I wonder sometimes if, in our culture, American Catholicism, the idea of ''sex is dirty'', introduced to us early, is not a major culprit. In contrast, Jung, who never made it into my K-12 curriculum, thought sexual fulfilment was the closest humanity could get to God. I agree. I'm inclined to think that most of today's teens have a healthier attitude than when I was their age. Not all.

In a gender segregated talk by a priest in grammar school in 1944 we boys were told there could be no pleasure in masturbation or illicit sex. It ruined his creditability. All or almost all of us knew better. I remember at the time that one of my friends breathlessly told us that masturbation caused white hairs to grow on your hand and most of us immediately looked at our dominant hand, while he laughed loudly. I never found out what the nuns told the girls. They wouldn't discuss it. Probably no more credible than what we heard.

I've often wondered if farm/rural children had a better attitude than city children? Seems that observing farm animals would be educational.

Someone wondered if one could understand sex and sexuality without sexual experience. Perhaps, but in the sense of looking through dark glass at a bright object. Like understanding how a baby is delivered without doing it? After sitting through labor five times I'm only sure I have a very limited knowledge of what it feels like. It is the hardest manual labor I've ever observed. And many mothers feel it is the most rewarding manual labor.

In the time of Jesus, sex and sexuality was handled much more practically. Betrothal was early, marriage was early teens, grandchildren arrived when one was in their late twenties, and for many, death arrived in the thirties. Teen sex was the norm and a necessity. This was relativity unchanged for centuries.

Today, puberty comes even earlier, the libido is intensively fed by society, semi-nudity is in the underwear ads in the morning paper and everywhere in the movies. Marriage is often, maybe usually, put off until after college [age 22-25], or career establishment [age 25-35]. The libido doesn't turn off. Attitudes are different. Hooking up when I was in High School was primarily the pursuit of males after reluctant females. My observation is that it has changed.

It's foolish to expect the libido to turn off until the middle 20s or later. Society is different now. Females are taught to be full fledged members of society, and while the percentage of males looking to hook up is probably the same, my observation of teens over the last 13 years is that the percentage of females has greatly increased.

Some teens, both genders, are in "love", but many if not most are in ''lust''. Just as the males in High School 60 years ago scored and thought "who's next", so too do today's teen females. I've identified a few I thought were predatory. They learn from experience, thankfully, and most become more judicious as they grow older, and get into the "significant other" mode until they are ready or in preparation for marriage to the "one". It's our God given human nature and free will in action. Just say no? Doesn't work well at all. Libido and societal pressure are trump.

Am I approving or recommending unfettered sex because times are different? Of course not. The younger one is physically and mentally when they achieves sexual gratification, the less prepared they are to achieve its God given benefits. There are psychological and physical consequences of unfettered sex, not the least of which are confusion, disease or unprepared parenthood, any or all life altering events.

Over the years I've come to believe that incompatibility in one or more of Money, Sex or Children is/are the major cause of divorce. For some, living together is an eye opening experience that may cause avoidance of marriage problems. Some of course, do not learn, whether they marry first or live together first, and have to try again, and again…

	The expectations in relationships are far different today than they were in the time of Jesus. People marry much later today and the average life expectancy is much longer. Photo by Scott Snyder from stock.xchng

Our bodies, minds and societal custom seems to tell us it's OK to have non-marital sex before marital sex. And there seems to be a great deal of it, and the world has not ended.

Another difference in the time span from 2000 years ago is how should we view the coupling of two people for life? At 75, I consider myself in my fourth life. The first 25 as premarriage. the second 20 I was married [didn't make the 25 year mark]. Then I was coupled again 'til I was 64 yrs, another 20 years, then 5yrs on my own until at 69, in 2000, I married again. As I look back, I'm aware that I was a different character in each segment. This was not a consideration when a life span was 35 yrs or less.

When I told Carole at 69 that I only had a 20 yr warranty, she mentally did the math and said she wasn't going to worry about it. I guess at 89 she didn't think I would do a drastic change like a trophy wife. I think she's correct.

I remember reading a book review years ago, the author a woman who did psych studies on Vietnam vets. She discovered a pattern of the men going thru some kind of metamorphosis approx every 17 years.

I long ago decided that expecting spouses to always have a happy satisfying life when the life spans were two or three times what they used to be was illogical.

What are your thoughts on any of the issues raised by Brian or George in this commentary? We encourage you to contribute to the discussions in our forum. No changes can transpire in any community unless people express their views honestly to those who set the policies and culture under which each community operates.

Brian Coyne can be contacted at: Brian Coyne <editor@catholica.com.au> Brian is also happy to pass on messages to George Bouchey.

©2007 Brian Coyne

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