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"Problems are not going to get solved until we
sit down with somebody else and really listen to their stories, so we
can get to understand each other rather than blowing each other up. The
more we put labels on people, the more we're destined not to know them.
When you really know somebody else's story, you can't hate them anymore.
It's a wonderful tool for peace." ...Nancy Duncan.
It is said that the "eyes are the window to the soul". I'm
fairly convinced that this is a truism. I often intuit whether I will
like someone or not by their eyes.
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"My father-in-law had the most expressive eyes.
Every time he saw you it was as though he thought you were the most
special person in the world the way his eyes would light up!"
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We can tell when people are happy or sad or angry from the look in their
eyes.
If the eyes are the windows to the soul then I think our stories are
the doorways. It is in sharing our stories that we invite people into
our lives, let people know who we are, where we come from, what sort of
things have influenced our lives and it is a way of being totally open
and vulnerable. A lot of people find this difficult to do and others are
only too happy to tell you their life story while standing in the queue
at the supermarket register. My mother-in-law was the sort of person that
EVERYONE told their story to. If you were out with her people would say
hello and she would greet them and as we would walk away she'd tell you
something about that person's history. Like they had a child die of some
dreadful disease or their spouse had run off with a much younger person.
Deeply personal stuff and I would say to her "How do you know that?"
She would then off-handedly say "Oh I was talking to them in Woolies
a couple of weeks ago!" She was a very good listener obviously, and
had a fantastic memory. My husband has inherited this trait. I am always
saying to him "How DO you know that?" when he tells me something
about a complete stranger and he'll say something like "that's the
woman who lives at the end of our street" or some such thing. I wouldn't
know them from Adam, and he knows things about people we've never met
but then he does do the shopping!
A very private person...
I am a very reticent person, shy, retiring (you can tell can't you from
all the talking I don't do?). It's true though I am a very, very PRIVATE
person, so to open myself to the vulnerability of being "known"
is very difficult. I have learned to do this more and more though during
the years and I think involvement for many years in the RCIA process was
a huge growth area for me. The time of the RCIA process is all about telling
our stories and truly hearing the stories of those who are seeking to
belong to the Christian faith. It is in hearing their stories that we
can ask them "can you see where God was in that part of your life?"
During RCIA we also tell our Christian stories. The Gospels ARE stories.
They are stories that tell us who we are as Christians. This is why I
believe liturgy is important in one aspect that Brian has mentioned this
week. Remembering. When we forget our stories we lose our identity. Think
of someone with Alzheimers Disease. They begin by forgetting which are
the cold and hot water taps. The disease progresses and they forget who
loved ones are. They then forget WHO they are even to the point of not
remembering how to stand up or dress themselves and in the worst case
I've seen the person even forgot speech. They are still the person we
knew but they are no longer the person they knew. There is a lovely little
book called The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks, it has been made into
a movie since it was released, about a woman who suffers with Alzheimer's
and her husband converts their home into a nursing home, and every day
he goes in to see her and she doesn't know who he is, and every day he
courts her. If you haven't read it or seen the movie it's really good.
Or the movie 50 First Dates. Ok guys it's kind of a chick flick
but you could all learn something from it!
In the liturgy, just like at a family Christmas dinner or special occasion,
we sit around and tell stories we've all heard a hundred times don't we?
We still laugh over them, or cry over them or embarrass some poor relative.
For example a quick one that gets told in our family is about an old uncle,
before my time, when he was a child about 9 years of age. One Saturday
morning he took himself off to confession and when he came home he addressed
the family with the words "I've just been to confession so don't
any of you bastards make me swear!" We talk about the things we did
as children and often have tears rolling down our faces with laughter.
We talk about loved ones who have been gone from us such a short time
and their presence is still sorely missed and again tears flow and we
remember the ones who have been gone a long time and the tears don't flow
so much as we remember what they brought to our lives. We remember what
they said and did and they are still there with us in some way, their
presence is palpable.
Remembering our Christian stories...
It is the same in our Liturgy. We remember our Christian stories. The
things that define our belief. The story of Christ. The things He said
and did. How He related to people. What He himself believed, and again
He is there with us... "where two or more..." These are
the things that help us keep our identity of who we are as Christians.
This is the sad part of the loss of people at our liturgy. When we stop
attending Liturgy we eventually forget the stories and how those stories
relate to us, and then eventually forget our Christian identity and our
familial belonging with the rest of our Christian brothers and sisters.
Everyone has a story and everyone needs to be able to tell that story
and have it heard. Our Indigenous people are still struggling to have
their stories heard although increasingly people are listening and "hearing".
What wisdom there is in our Aboriginal culture
story tellers every
last mob of them
so much we can learn from them. So much of their
spirituality resonates with ours. They teach and learn their laws by story
telling, song and dance. We nearly managed to erase their identity totally
by separating them from those who could share the stories with them and
waiting for those who knew the stories to die out. Fortunately the elders
have started to reverse this trend and to re-establish their identity
by teaching their traditions and stories and songs and dances to the young.
Some of the traditions along with their languages are now lost forever
as some tribal groups have died out but some are to be saved and that
is a VERY good thing.
RCIA is all about story telling. True stories. Not only the peoples'
own stories or what they are willing to share of them, and usually by
the time they are formally joined to the church it is all of their story
that we have heard, but also our Christian stories. We share with them
our identities as Christians.
Why Jesus told stories...
The stories Jesus told are all true. The parables are like looking glasses
for us. You can take any Gospel story Jesus told and relate it to your
life. For example the story of Zaccheus (Luke 19).
If you were to read it and then ask a group of people what Zaccheus was
like and what happened to him you'd be amazed at the different responses
you would get. I did this in RCIA. The answers they gave I wrote down
and they were pretty diverse answers. The person who said Zaccheus was
short
was usually a small person. That's what I'd say first
he was short. How do I know? Because he had to climb the tree to see.
Why would I say that? Because I can relate to it
I'm vertically
challenged! People will say all sorts of things about Zaccheus and the
other people in the story. You can get a very long list depending on the
size of the group and you have to keep asking, "what else?"
and "what about the other people in the story what did they do,
what were they like?"
When you ask the person who says Zaccheus was welcoming "are
you a hospitable person who welcomes visitors and strangers?"
they will always say "I try to be." Why? Because that
is the Zaccheus they relate to. Zaccheus is them, Zaccheus is us. This
is true about all the Gospel stories Jesus told. They were true for the
people of His time and remain true. They are HUMAN stories. The
Prodigal Son, the persistent widow, the waster
of talents, the bridesmaids with no oil
they
are stories about us that Jesus told. I have to admit my least favourite
story is the bridesmaids who don't have enough oil! I always feel so cross
at the ones who did and wouldn't share it. Remember the prissy kids at
school who always had EVERY coloured pencil, properly sharpened, just
waiting to be used and who wouldn't let you borrow their blue to finish
your map of Australia? I never had new pencils or even all the colours.
That's what these bridesmaids are like! Think about what this says about
me. I'm a Socialist I admit it. I'm with Cliff. Maybe because I never
had enough of anything when I was young
but the Bridegroom I know
would be angrier with the ones who didn't share the oil they had than
the ones who weren't well enough prepared! (Apologies
to any of you who were one of those prissy kids
I know it wasn't
really your fault. It was your parents who bought you new pencils, sharpeners
etc at the beginning of every term! If not and you actually managed to
keep them the whole year I take back the apology
you are anal retentive!)
So give it a try. Read one of the Gospel stories once and then write
down what you know about the people in the story as the things come to
you. Then analyse what you have written. Is what you heard in the story
something that is true about you? The things you saw and the other people
in the story are the things that are you and the way you see people relate
to you. It really is a fascinating exercise. Perhaps you'd like to share
them with us?
Stories are very interesting and we love to get a glimpse into other
people's lives to see what makes them tick I guess. Maybe that's why reality
TV shows have been so successful although a good autobiography or even
a novel about people's lives does that without the need to be voyeurs
and invade privacy. Better still "listen" to other people's
stories. You can learn so much, not just about them but much about yourself.
Photo
Credits:
- Main headline image is borrowed from a Film title "Storytelling"
which is available on DVD at www.finelinefeatures.com/sites/storytelling/
- Image of Kate's father-in-laws eyes provided by Kate
- Doorway image supplied by Kate originally sourced from
stock.xchng.
KateD
is another of the original gang from the CathNews discussion board which
became a close-knit international cyber community. She continues to tease
us with her Elle avatar and so we continue the tradition in this new forum.
Kate lives on the central coast of NSW and has had an active involvement
in RCIA and liturgical endeavours at parish and diocesan level.
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