The Catholic Church seems to be travelling through a crisis on the scale of that induced by the Protestant Reformation. One of the perhaps side issues thrown up by this crisis is less stability at the ordinary parish level as priests pass away, retire, leave ministry or are forced out. Fr Daniel Donovan has on occasions been called in during these local crises. In this two-part commentary, which we'll publish today and tomorrow, he puts forward ideas learned from his own experience towards developing strategies to help a local community grieve and come to terms when their local parish community faces major upheaval or change. In particular, Fr Donovan has had experience being called in when a priest suddenly leaves his ministry. He argues we do have rituals for death and retirement of a priest but the resignation or forced transfer or removal of a priest often leaves deep confusion and loss in a parish community that has not been well addressed. He offers thoughts that a community, and the institution more generally might take on board when faced with these situations…

Introduction to a topic which we probably haven't given much thought to…

In earlier days priests were usually in the parish until they died. It was uncommon to hear of a priest who had left the priesthood and there was no such thing as retiring. It was assumed that the parish priest would be there to baptise, marry and bury his people. There was a real pious attachment to and love of the man who had shared so intimately his people's joys and sorrows.

We do have rituals that assist in the community's grieving on a death of a priest but we also need rituals or processes to help with the grieving and sense of loss in other situations. Photo from the funeral of Fr Pat Ahearn in the Perth Archdiocese.

Priests today still die but they can also retire or leave the ministry. Naturally, people in the parish need some process or ritual to adapt to the loss of their priest and to begin their healing. Death and retirement, unlike a priest's leaving the priesthood, allow the people to gather and to ritualise their emotions and to farewell their friend and pastor. Yet when a priest leaves the priesthood, the people experience a similar gamut of emotions which are no less keenly felt but are unacknowledged and even denied by the Church officials. It is natural that the parish goes into hiatus as the people try to reconcile their human response with the seemingly official conspiracy of silence. It is almost as if their pastor never existed. Even when delegations from these parishes make an appointment with their local bishop, the people come away from the meeting with a sense of frustration. Bishops tend to speak at the people rather than sensing their shock, grief and their desire to work with their bishop in moving the parish forward. Who better to inform the bishop of the pastoral problems, the hopes and aspirations of the community than members of that community? The people are not seeking to democratise the Church but rather they are exercising their sacred duty as members of the body of Christ.

Everyone is aware of the argument advanced by Paul in his First letter to the Corinthians (1Cor 12-14). Paul borrows the analogy of the body from the political structure of his day. The body, to quote Paul "…is a single unit because all these parts, though many, make one body, so it is with Christ" (1 Cor 12:12).

Those who over the centuries have made commentary on this text stress the importance of Paul's last phrase, "so it is with Christ". The Church's unity is not threatened by its many members but rather functions as a single unit through the power of the Holy Spirit. Vatican II develops this theology in its Constitution on the nature of the Church (LG# 12-14), the Spirit distributes both the "hierarchic and charismatic gifts" (LG #4) for the building up of the community and preparing it for service. It would seem that both Paul and Vatican II set the foundations for community participation in the Church's mission. This is hardly people seeking to dominate Church authorities or even an effort to create a democratic structure within the Church. It is simply the Spirit working within the body of Christ, the Church.

A Personal Note: Dealing with my Grief…

During 2007, for the first time in forty years of priesthood, my best priest friend decided to leave the priesthood. His actual decision was none of my business but my response was. For about thirty-five years, I had valued him and our friendship. Then suddenly, he came to see me one Friday morning to tell me that he was leaving the priesthood. In the days and weeks which followed I did a lot of soul searching accusing myself of having let him down and battling with my own guilt. I faced a dilemma which only I could solve. I will always think highly of him as a person but that friendship which had been there over three decades was about to change forever and I had to confront my powerlessness in that regard. I gradually identified the emotion which I was experiencing as grief. The words of the serenity prayer came flooding into my mind: "Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Truly, God sent me a wisdom to realise that I could do nothing about the situation that was the concern of others. Along with the wisdom came the courage to change what I could, myself and my grief.

When studying at Boston College, I attended a week-end workshop by James Fowler III on faith development. During the workshop, Fowler asked his students to write down a list of friends. The group were given a ten minute buzz session then two minutes to complete their list. Students were asked to share, not the names on their list, but rather the number of friends recorded. One lady, sitting in the front row, was the first to share her list. She started off (in a very pronounced Southern drawl) announcing that she had been able to list "twenty-four, at least!" Fowler thanked her and was very aware of the general mood in the room because no other student could top that list. So he took the initiative by sharing his list, confessing "I only have one name". Immediately, there was a buzz in the room as the other members of the group confessed that they could only name "one friend." Fowler went on to explain to the group that "a friend" is really a gift from God and that is the reason that they are precious. He moved from this personal experience to faith development, the stages of which he paralleled to the growth of a friendship.

This class of James Fowler provided me with the motivation to confront my grief, our friendship had grown over thirty-five years and I would be less than true to him and myself, if I did not resolve the grief. Jesus it seemed spoke to my feelings in the parables of the shepherd, the woman and the father who experienced loss and took positive steps to address and validate their grief. Possibly there are those who would think that the issue here was really self-pity and of course they are welcome to their opinion. However as Jesus once said "by their fruits you will know them" then I must agree because the process led me to a personal growth and the realisation that when a priest leaves the ministry the whole Christian community share his pain and need to have their emotions and responses recognised and if possible validated by the Church officials.

Photo of Dr Kubler-Ross by Ken Ross taken from the Elizabeth Kubler-Ross website: www.elisabethkublerross.com

In facing my grief, I needed a process which could bring an acceptance and healing. Dr Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' stages of death and dying seemed to suggest themselves as a workable process. Kubler-Ross names five stages through which a terminally ill person might strive to equanimity in the face of inevitable death. However, the process does not guarantee that everyone will succeed in achieving acceptance but it is a practical method for working on those emotions which arise along the way. The stages are as follows:

• Denial: refusal to believe their condition.
• Anger: why me?
• Bargaining: if I survive I'll do or not do this or that.
• Depression: the bottom has fallen out of my world
• Acceptance: my bags are packed (Pope John XXlll).

These stages allowed me to cope with my own healing without on the one hand proportioning blame and guilt. While on the other hand failing to acknowledge and own my feelings. While it was a difficult process it was basic in my coming to an acceptance and then moving on with my life. It also helped me to see that a similar process needed to be offered to people in parishes who also grieved the loss of their priest and pastor.

TOMORROW: "Developing a process for Use in a Parish" — Fr Donovan concludes his commentary by outlining some concrete steps for developing a pastoral plan to meet these contingencies.

Fr Daniel Donovan is a lecturer in the School of Religious Education at the Strathfield campus of ACU National. He has a long history in the education of primary school teachers in Religious Education. He has given special attention to teaching beliefs and values courses, and to field supervision of students in practicum. Further details about his research interests and contact details can be found on the ACU National website at rel-ed.acu.edu.au/ren2/staff.html.

What are your thoughts on this commentary? You can contribute to the discussion in our forum.

©2008 Daniel Donovan

[Index of Commentaries by Fr Daniel Donovan]