Care of the divorced and remarried in Australia from 1978 (Main Forum)

by BarryS , 'Uralla, NSW', Monday, July 30, 2012, 10:51 (299 days ago) @ Nehemiah

The Beginning Experience
The beginnings by Barry Sinclair

Paulian Solo Parents
Early May, 1978 while working for the Paulian Association at Polding House, Sydney I was approached by Kevin xxxxx from Baulkham Hills who had obtained a divorce the previous day. To celebrate he went out to a party held by the Parramatta Single Catholics. On mentioning that he had just obtained his divorce he was asked to leave. When Kevin came into my office he was very upset about the lack of support for recently divorced catholics in the church.

He wanted to set up something for them in Sydney but could not find anyone who would give him any help. At first I was fairly reluctant for, as far as I knew, divorced catholic were not welcome in the Sydney Church, however I offered him the use of our postal address and telephone number for contact if he wished to do the setting up of “something for divorced catholics.” Kevin left my office determined to do something for them.

I forgot about the issue until several days later when the director of the Paulian Association, Roy Boylan, on his return from a visit to New Zealand gave me some paperwork on a new group being set up over there called “ Solo Parents”and asked me “to have a look at it & see if it might be worth doing something about it in Sydney”. That same day I also had a phone call from a nun from the Mercy Life Centre at Waitara who was working with divorced catholics. The following night I went to a meeting of the Paulian branch at Balmain were I met St Mary Constable, a Good Samaritan nun, and during the night she referred to a new group she was looking at setting up for divorced Catholics. At that time I don’t think I consiously knew of any Catholics who were divorced and who wished to remain Catholics.

During the next few weeks I was unable to do anything more as I was preparing for a visit to our country branches in Northern New South Wales. While visiting these branches two had as a topic for discussion “support for divorced Catholics”, a topic I had not known to be discussed at Paulian meetings and certainly not on the recommended list. However it started my mind thinking, that maybe something should be done.

When I arrived home my wife told me of a weekend that was being advertised in the “coming events” section of the Catholic Weekly for Divorced Catholics at the retreat centre at Blackheath to be run by a Redemterist Priest. It was to be held in early July. As it happended my Dundas Paulians were having a weekend retreat at a small retreat centre directly opposite on the same weekend. On contacting the priest I was offered a maximum of 5 minutes to talk to the participants at the end of their meal on the Saturday.

With nothing further planned, I went to talk to the participants about what was set up in New Zealand & what was being proposed for Balmain & Waitara. My 5 minutes stretched out to over an hour and by the end I had been asked to nominate a date for the first meeting. At that meeting two people stood out, Phyl Sadler from Castle Hill (who went on to become the first secretary of the Solos and then the second President) and John Wilkinson from Lane Cove, both of whom were to become very involved with the setting up of this new ministery. I proposed Monday the 15th August 1978, Our Lady’s feast day, in Polding House, however I received a very cool reception from the Sydney clergy. I was not alowed any publicity & was denied an article in the Catholic Weekly about Solo Parents. A week before the meeting I was called to a meeting with a representative of the Cardinal where I was advised not to start any group for divorced catholics. As I mentioned my intention to go ahead with the initial meeting the following week, I was advised that if I did, “I could start one group only and it had to “operate successfully” for twelve months before a second group could be established.” As I had to make a return trip to the North Coast for two weeks nothing more was able to be done in the way of publicity.

On the day of the meeting I met Fr John Hosie SM in the lobby of Polding House on his way to another meeting in the building. As I knew him from my schooldays at Woodlawn College Lismore, I invited him to my office after he had completed his meeting.

During discussions I found that he had spent the last 6 weeks in the States studying support groups for divorced Catholics and the role of Divorced Catholics in the Church. I invited him to the night meeting and also to be Chaplain to any groups started. He was reluctent to take any role as he had definite ideas on what he wanted to established but agreed to come to the meeting as an observer.

That night at the meeting over seventy people were present from all over Sydney and following the discussions the “Paulian Solo Parents” had its beginning. On that first night 17 groups were established in various parishes throughout Sydney with Fr John Hosie SM agreeing to be the foundation Chaplain & Kevin Latta the foundation President.

The Beginning Experience

After the meeting Fr John gave me a supply of literature he had gathered in the States to look at and see if I could find anything that might be useful. Among this literature I found an article on a new group recently set up in Texas called “The Begginging Experience”. It was a spin off from Marriage Encounter started by Mrs Joe Lamia and Sr Josephine Stewart. A letter was sent to these ladies requesting information about starting up a branch in Sydney, only to be told that they would require at least five people to go to Texas and undergo a training course before they would allow it to be set up in another area.

After months of discussion and many phone calls they agreed to a small group attending a weekend in Hawaii in August 1979 to be followed by a week of training. Fr John Hosie SM agreed to go, however his order was reluctant to finance such a short visit. Finally we obtained finance and his order then agreed to let him go. (No 1).

Then the work started to find a team to go with Fr John .

At a Paulian Solo Parent meeting in Hunters Hill, the then president, Mrs Pat McNamara, mentioned she was planning to go over to the United States for a holiday in late July and agreed to come back via Hawaii and be a participiant in the weekendand training course. (No 2)

We approached Sr Mary Constable to be a participiant however she was sure her order would not give her permission. We made an appointment to see her superior, Sr de Lourdes, at the Mother House in Glebe. Not only did Sr de Lourdes allow her to go but willingly financed her trip. (No 3).

A few weeks later I was discussing the problem with Mrs Una Burgess, a councellor at Centrecare in Polding House. To my amazement I found that Una had to go to a conference in England in early August and was planning to come back via Hawaii. She agreed to also be a participant. (No 4).

As August approached we were still unable to find a fifth volunteer for the training, to make the full team. At a solo parent meeting at Balmain Sr Mary was talking to one of the ladies, Francis ..... who was looking for a companion to go on a cruise with her. Sr Mary jokingly remarked that she should go to Hawaii with her the next week. The following Monday Francis came to Sr Mary & announced that she had booked her ticket to Hawaii on the same plane as Sr, thus we had the complete team. (No 5)

After completing their Beginning Experience weekend the team spent another week in Hawaii with further training before returning to Australia. On their arrival at Sydney airport I was informed by Fr John Hosie that the founders Sr Josephine Stewart, Mrs Joe Lamia & Chaplian Fr Werner had agreed to come to Australia for our first Beginning Experience Weekend in November & that as they did not have the money for expenses, he knew I would be able to find the $5,000 needed to pay their expenses. On returning to my office in Polding House I found a cheque from the Federal Goverment for $5,000 towards the
expenses for setting up Solo Parents & the Beginning Experience.

I held meetings in each capital city in Australia setting up local branches there. The Beginning Experience has been active in many Diocese in Australia ever since.

When first started the Beginning Experience there were 3 staff working in the Church Office treating The Decree of Nullity. After 18 months they had 18 staff as I had encouraged every person who had ever had a divorce to apply for a Decree of Nullity.

We used to be told that it was better for a couple to stay together for the sake of their children. However in many abusive marriages it is better for the couple to separate for the sake of the children.

BarryS

I live for those that love me
For those that know I am true
For the heaven that smiles above me
& awaits my coming too
For the cause that needs assistance
For the wrong that needs resistance
For the future in the distance
& the good that I can do.