Sr Feralia's advice about spam emails...

To all Sisters, Hi!

I am getting sick to death of the spam that is filling my inbox. During the past week I received two pieces of advice in amongst all this mountain of free advice offering to enlarge the penis I do not have, how to have longer orgasms, how to invest in this stock or that stock and make a 120% gain overnight that I thought worth passing on.

I'm changing the rules. If you don't pass this advice on within the next twenty-five seconds you're going to cop ten years extra in purgatory and all the previous plenary indulgences you have earned in your entire life are going to be wiped out completely and you're going to have to start from scratch all over again earning brownie points to escape the fires of hell.

Sit up, pay attention, and read these pieces of very sane advice very carefully...

This is one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received. Hope it works for you -- and me!You have 6 minutes

There's some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're not superstitious. This has been sent to you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten times so Far.

Do not keep this message.

This must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Now, here's the FUN part!
Send this to at least 5 people and your life will improve.
1-4 people: Your life will improve slightly.
5-9 people: Your life will improve to your liking.
9-14 people: You will have at least 5 surprises in the next 3 weeks
15 and above: Your life will improve drastically and everything you ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. Do not keep this message.

And here's the second piece of advice that will help provide protection for your computers

> If you receive an email entitled
> "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open
> it . Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will
> not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it
> will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of
> your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of
> your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access
> code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses
> subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you
> attempt to play. It will program your phone auto
> dial to call only 0898 numbers. This virus will mix
> antifreeze into your fish tank.
> IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU
> ARE SHOWERING. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR
> GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING?? It will leave dirty
> underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting
> company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and
> your Nair with Rogaine. If the "Bedtimes" message
> opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave
> the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged
> in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not
> only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses
> and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with
> whole milk.
>
> ***
> WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. ***
>
> And if you don't send this to 5000 people in
> 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg
> will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you,
> sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest
> you.
> Send this warning to everyone!!! THERE'S A LOT
> OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD! Right now, as you read
> this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!! And look
> at you -
>
> you're on the bloody computer!!!!

Do you know what the fires of hell look like, well here's a video one of the local parishioners took at the Blue Mountains Zoroasterian Fire Ceremony that did so much damage to our retreat centre...

Sr Feralia

Sister Feralia is the face of the New Feminism, a healthy antidote to the testosterone-driven ecclesial community of Father Farzenheim and the Fathers of Divine Wrath.

We welcome your feedback in our discussion forum.

©2006 Clifford Baxter

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