On the importance of de-fleaing Father's dog...

Now that I've dealt with the delicate issue of the approach we take to cleaning Father's bathroom (see the last excerpt from Molly's Manual for Priests' Housekeepers), let me now turn to another of the delicate tasks we have to deal with. It's another serious health hazard in most presbyteries.

I'm talking about fleas.

You have probably deloused Father's dog already, but have you considered the problem in a broader dimension?

I'm talking, my dears, about housekeepers who have allowed themselves to become flea carriers.

This is no joking matter because the lives of the holy celibate men we serve could be placed at risk due to our lack of vigilance.

The close proximity of housekeepers and dogs and cats can lead to these innocent creatures being infested by us.

Housekeepers often get infested with fleas through contact with animals or contact with fleas in the environment.

The strong back legs of this insect may enable it to jump from dog to housekeeper and even (God forbid!) to the Priest himself.

I know myself that after I continued to sleep on the verandah after Father moved Spot inside during the cold months I became a Flea Carrier!

I suffered from pruritus, and the Doctor was unable to trace the cause.

Imagine my horror when I found that these copper coloured insects only the size of the head of a pin were scurrying on my skin and heading for dark unmentionable places because they dislike light.

I know housekeepers who have suffered from inflammation, hair loss and secondary skin infections because they have been selfish and careless.

It is time to take action. Not only should we treat the pets with readily available insecticides, but we should delouse ourselves!

My living quarters are now treated with aerosol foggers, sodium borate under the piece of carpet I once shared with Spot, and methoprene around my small cot, and before retiring I give myself a good dousing with insecticidal powder which I also use as a cosmetic foundation.

I have also made a rosary from insecticide pellets.

Ladies, I put it to you, that these health challenges I've been discussing in recent days need to be taken as seriously as the health issues that soliders face on the front lines of any battlefield. Our priests are God's non-commissioned officers — the sergeants, corporals and lance corporals in the battle for hearts, minds and souls in the great "culture wars" that civilisation faces today.

Fleas do not like the cold, and on the rare occasions that it snows I spend a bracing night outside contemplating God's universe above — and this great civilisation our priests are called on to defend so bravely. Remember, it is our duty to care for Father, his house and his little companions.

Until next time, Good Housekeeping!

Molly Arbeit

Molly Arbeit is ready to give tips to housekeepers in the Vineyard of the Lord. Molly has been a housekeeper to priests, bishops and even cardinals since about the time Adam was a little boy and knows more about the in and outs of clerical politics and good manners than even Ratz does.

Molly welcomes your pearls of wisdom, and just plain good old housekeeperly tips, in our discussion forum and she always welcomes your questions and feedback.

©2006 Clifford Baxter

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