Higgedly Piggedly Poo...

My dear parishioners of the Fiery Fifteen Per Cent,

Good morning. I am Father Farzenheim of the Fathers of Divine Wrath. Yes, Wrath! Ah, what fervour the word brings to our minds.

I am aware that there have been criticisms of last week's Natural History Exercise, and the loss of Sister Insipida to the predator is a cause for regret, and I must say that in future great care will be taken in relation to rope knotting.

Crikey, we can do better in future!

But we must Move Along towards the Divine Wrath, inevitable, implacable and eternal.

For as I have said on so many occasions it can Strike at any Moment.

This morning I want to address you on two matters of import: Blackness and what the Secularists call Madness.

You could call me, like the late Mr Cash, The Man in Black.

Doubtless you have observed that my Order, the Fathers of Divine Wrath, are always dressed in black. No longer, due to the Novus Ordo Regime, do we wear the black leather face mask or the pointed hat, but the Spirit of Blackness is still with us.

As the poet Stygius puts it, The people have seen a great darkness…

And it is in the blackness, in this absence of distracting light that we become aware of the Wrath! yes, Wrath! A word that is not comforting to the back-sliders, the cafeteria catholics of today.

Much wailing, with gnashing of teeth, awaits such people.

I must say that part of the pleasure in my Celibate Vocation is the facility to travel and observe the people of the world.

It is a matter of satisfaction when I visit Greece and Italy to see so many Women of Mature and Canonical Age dressed in somber and respectful black.

Gone are the fripperies, the makeup, the bouzouki in the taverna, the gay dancing, the flowers in the hair. Wrath is approaching, and we must dress appropriately.

Ah, for the days when to go to a funeral wearing a coloured tie was to cause Scandal!

Therefore I am delighted to inform you, dear Parishioners of the Parousia, Blackness is Back!

What joy it is to see young seminarians back in black. Dare we hope that our 'Kumbaya sisters' will follow suit?

This leads me to the current postmodernist obsession with psychology, the Freudian Phantasy. This psycho-babble has placed some of my order under accusation of insanity.

The poet Stygius again… The people have seen a great madness…

I think of a colleague who was placed in such an institution for many years. They played music to him, they shone great lights upon him. They subjected him to psycho-babble.

But he was equal to the task, for he discovered a large cardboard carton in which he could enjoy solitude, blackness and contemplation of Divine Wrath.

Looking inside, all the psycho-babblists could see was a pair of shining clerical eyes in the Divine Darkness.

For their heretical hearing, he exclaimed constantly, Wrath, Wrath, Wrath!

It was a banana box, and he was able to find sufficient sustenance remaining for him to defy his psycho captors. Such is the Faith of our Fathers!

I am pleased to disclose that this cleric, formerly held under Close Arrest, now enjoys high station and is a regular correspondent with yours truly, Father Farzenheim.

I have an email from him, only this morning, and I would like to share it with you:

Higgedly piggedly poo, what the heretics do … cafeteria closed too … Now the magisterium gonna get you … You been fickle, now you in the pickle, so wait for your Wrathful Stew…

Ah, what a testimony this priest is, and soon our new seminaries will be turning out many more like him.

May the Wrath be with you!

Fr Farzenheim is another of our regular visitors to Catholica Australia venting his anger on the Novus Ordo Church. Resident in the Archdiocese of Sydney, Fr Farzenheim is a great fan of the reform of the reforms that Cardinal Pell has endeavoured to introduce in his diocese but he just doesn't believe they go half-way far enough. Half the time he thinks the Cardinal is a bit of a pinko. He is a member of the Fathers of Divine Wrath religious order based in Chicago who have recently been invited to Sydney to help address the priest shortage here and the slackness being exhibited by all the "cafeteria Catholics" and "backsliders" in the Australian Church. He does support the Cardinal's call for this "confusing teaching" on Primacy of Conscience to be abolished from the Catechism and all Catholic teaching.

Fr Farzenheim welcomes your questions on all matters of Catholic doctrine provided they are addressed to him in reverential tones beginning "Dear Fr Farzenheim". He will not answer any questions when he is addressed by his Christian name. He is still deciding if we can be trusted enough to even know his Christian name and might disclose that in a later column down the track. You are most welcome to address your questions to him through our forum.

©2006 Clifford Baxter

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