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The first appearance of Ishy on Catholica Australia brought
an overwhelming response to our mail bag so much so that poor Ishy has
been fightin' the spelchekke all weekend to draft some responses in time
for today's deadline. Unfortunately space prevents us being able to reply
to all the mail that came in. The selection of letters that Ishy has been
able to respond to do cover the broad sweep of questions raised.
Dear Ishmail,
Are you crazy or suffering from serious linguistic difficulties? I find
your messages impossible to read. Why not use the Spellcheck? It's on
every computer.
Nancy Wheeldum
Brisbane
 Yo,
Nancygel, ya am makin bigg mistake here, yessireebobtruedat
sirmadamewhoit
mayconcern.
Sayeth thou Heigh to de Nananbenderres!
When yo readin da Ishy, yo gotta read de peece out loude to yasef.
All same dat fella Choicerman who rote dat Cranberry Tayles, or dat Shayspeer
who had ritten in King Richy de Turd: Nowe am de winner ob de dizzycontinent
made gloryarzizsumethin ob somedork.
Yo git de drif? Yo iz spikin de langwich ob de ancesstores, an dey ritin
nuffin, just spikin like ya fren Ishmihail bin Laden fra de Parra.
Nowe, madamewhoitmayconcern, ya hab raysed a bery bery seryarz ting hyah
bout de Spelchekke.
Spelchekke am de gratest evil dat cum inta dis world. Truedat yessireebobtruedatsirmadamewhoitmayconcern.
De Spelchekke holdin bak de mankin!
It cripplin de pipple fra ritin!
At de Parra Pubic Highe de childers friten ta touché de kayborde,
yassirtruedat!
De teacherman laffin, laffin, laffin at dem all de lib long dey coze
de Spelchekke makin dem loooke stewpudding in frun ob de frens!
Dat Spelchekke EVILLE !
Dear Ishmail Bin Laden,
Are you related to Usama Bin Laden, the infamous terrorist? If so, what
are you doing on a so-called Catholic site?
Guthrie Tyrone
Wagga Wagga
Yo, Gutherie,
Usama Ishmihail, HE ama U.B. Bin Laden, former fren ob da Hamericans who
hatin, hatin, hatin dem Russians.
Usama no connecctionne wiv da fella fra Sourabia, nosireebobtruedatsirmadamewhoitmayconcern!
Usama fra de Parra Pubic High!
Usama Hoztraylien!
Me lub de Catholickes!
De Goot Buche sez lub de enemas an de frens.
Usama ya fren two!
Dear Ishy,
You are almost impossible to understand. How can I understand your language?
Gwen Gismovitch
Malvern
Yo, Gwennygel,
Like Me haz said, ya reed da Ish loude wiv da lippes movin, movin, movin.
Den ya git de Bronownsashun leyk me an frens spik when we iz at de Parra
Pubic Bathe wive de toule on de hedde fra de Male Dignita and de toule
down dere fra de Modestie wen we iz waitin, waitin, waitin fra de Blisfulle
Virginnes, wich Me add niver seem ta cum long. And dat so sadde, nosireebobtruedatsirmadamewhoitmayconcern!
Usama Ozzies trewbloo!
Dear Mr Bin Laden,
Your suggestion that the Universe was started by flatulent explosion is
deeply offensive to all orthodox Christians loyal to the Magisterium and
mediator Dei.
Michael
Parramatta
Yo, Mickymanne! Wassup?
Me niver sez dat nosireebobtruedatsirmadamewhoitmayconcern!
I sed I go creepin, creeping, creepin in de Classyroome ob de Parra Pubic
High Shyence when de Masta hab de glassy toob ob de hydrogen suphide which
smell stinkin like da smell ob arziz, and den de match me holdin, holdin,holdin
make the Arziz Gasse go BOOOOOOOOOM!
So de Masta hab no Highbrowes. De Classyroome est Finito! Truedatsirmadamewhoitmayconcern
Dat Skool going boing wich am makin de Ishy fink maybe de Universe beginne
wen de Fartegasse Hexplode!
Who dun de Farte!
Who had de Matche?
Me not knowing de Answeres ob dis.
Truedatsirmadamewhoitmayconcern.
 De Masta wen he git outta de hospitalle sez dat dem Gnostikkes sez de
Universe cryated by de Demiurge? (I git de Urge ta Farte but it scareth
away dem Blisfulle virginnes.)
Wot happened in Beginin? Ask yo de Cradinalle bout dat ?
Who dis Demiurge?
Mebbe he git had urge to gibe de Farte, den the Hallmighty gib him kik
in de Bottome while dat fella holding de Matche.
BOOOOOOOOOM!
Who knoweth de Onswers to dat?
Me shown grate respeck to Critter ob da Hooniverse, de Hydrogen suphide
and de Horiginnes ob All finges, yessirreebob !
Yo fren,
Ishy ob de Parra Pubic High.
 Ishmihail
bin Laden (Ishy) is originally from Afghanistan. He arrived in Australia
about 120 years ago during one of the early gold rushes and made a living
driving his camel team through the outback. He retired about forty years
ago to Parramatta and has been continuing his quest to understand both
Christian and Australian culture ever since — as well as the mystery
of the spelchekke and how the world began!
Ishy welcomes your clarifications of Christianity, Australian culture
and how the world began in our discussion forum and he always welcomes
your questions and feedback.
©2006
Clifford Baxter
[Cliff's Menagerie Archive]
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