Ignatius McDrool warns us...

As part of the intellectual explosion generated by the Catholica Australia website, we introduce you to another loyal son of Holy Mother Church. Ignatius McDrool is editor-in-chief of the recently renamed Catholic Prudence. This week his memo to fellow Catholic Editors via their newsletter, the Cleft Stick (Catholic Loyal Editors for Truth, Inc) fell off the back of a truck and made its way to Catholica Australia.

To: The Newsletter of C.L.E.F.T. STICK
From: Ignatius McDrool, Editor-in-Chief, Catholic Prudence, the Catholic Newspaper of Discretion
Re: New web initiative threatens our fundamental values

Gentlemen,

I am writing to draw your attention to this advertisement that appeared this morning on that scurrilously left-wing, biased and debauched internet news service, CathNews, for a new web initiative called Catholica Australia.

I know that all members of The Cleft Stick, our wonderful organization founded on the principles of the great 'Scoop' Catholic newspaperman and novelist, Evelyn Waugh, will rally against this disgraceful website founded by Brian Coyne, a former Episcopal adviser, and Cliff Baxter, geriatric Marxist journalist and Benedict Arnold of Catholicism, and other cafetaria Catholics, back-sliders, non-magisterial nigger lovers, treehuggers, social justice pinkos, pantheists, relativists, heretics, anti-war activists, homosexuals, dope-smoking pot-heads and feminists.

The latter is well represented on this anti-Christ site (which should have 666 as its IP address) by Sister Feralia who would be better off breeding (after being kicked out of her order) or praying (in Latin, the language of the Lord). Who does she think she is? All these pinko Loreto, Brigidine and Good Sam nuns are going to bring the Church to its knees I tell you – and not in prayer!

The mockery of all that is good and true in the Church is represented by Molly Arbeit, whose sacrifice at the ironing board is not given proper recognition. Who will heed her advice on how to iron a priest's shirt or clean his toilet bowl? Who will take notice of her advice on Custody of the Eyes or how to Make a Cup of Tea for Father?

I wonder how the Australian Catholic Bishops will respond to the weak humour, let's-be-nice-to-everybody, namby-pamby-lefty nothingness of Bishop Laughlin. I hope he soon receives a monitum from Rome!

Thank heavens for Fergal and his colleagues. May they keep right on 'dobbin'.

What kind of Catholic Website runs the strange views of an obvious terrorist like Bin Laden of 'Parra Pubic Bathe'? What monster lies behind that towel on his head as he lurks waiting for virgins. God protect us!

I am sure our Blessed Cardinal weeps like Jesus before Jerusalem as he looks at the disgraceful efforts on this site — and happening right under his nose in our blessed Mother Church in Australia.

The pandering of this Website to boong pagans while the Neocats are denigrated are further outrages. Why should we not praise Catholic Capitalism? Coyne was bad enough when he was hiding under that monicker of Tom Scott at CathNews and providing encouragement to that wackie vet who's been the bane of us editors for decades with his incessant bleating about the monitum the Holy Fathers, with good reason, have maintained against that French Jesuit and traitor to patriotic Catholicism, Fr Chardin. Chardonnay if you ask me.

It's liberal Catholicism this Frog was promoting. Catholicism for the chardonnay-swilling north-shore liberal ladies. We do want a lot more testosterone back in Catholicism, just as Fr Farzenheim suggests! (see attached cartoon from their despicable website)

I'm pleased to see the Toowoomba vet has seen the error of his ways and has severed his connection with all these Cafeteria and Sunday Catholics, trendy feminists, poofta lovers, lesbians and clucky, deluded, post-men-o-pausal grandmothers. I urge you to quietly go and have a look at this site. It's positively a zoo and a menagerie that Coyne and Baxter have unleashed.

We need to encourage this vet more as he might lead the campaign to have this new "website initiative" — what trendy words are they? What do they really mean? ... and all this appealing to "adult Catholics"? What's that mean? We're big boys, and adult, aren't we? We know how to call a spade, a spade, don't we? We've all got big dongas, haven't we?

As I said, we need to encourage this Queensland vet more as he might lead the campaign to have this new "website initiative" shut down and run out of business. It's a commercial operation as the vet wrote on the CathNews discussion board and there's no place for commerce in our faith (unless, of course, those fine upstanding men in the Knights are organising it on behalf of their Graces and Lords and His Eminence!)

Please be assured that at Catholic Prudence and its brother publications we are maintaining the principles of Discretion and Loyalty under the banner, "One Faith, One Cardinal, One People"!

We are planning a Torchlight Procession with many Manly supporters – young muscular Christians who've been doing such sterling work in cleansing out the leftist coackroaches in the Young Liberals in New South Wales. Following their success in cleaning up the NSW Young Liberals, they are now prepared to start smoking out these Catholic cockroaches, as Father Farzenheim has declared.

They're just out and out communists hiding under this front called "Catholica Australia". We spent decades in this country praying for the conversion of Russia and now we're going to have to start from scratch again as the communists have surfaced right in our front yard. These dominoes are not going to get away with their Big Brother sleaze in our dormitories though, I tell you!

Meanwhile, I am stimulating the morale of my employees as you will see in my praise to them in a memorandum concerning the many Catholic Press Awards we have received. Our circulations might be near rock bottom and most of these turkeys might have deserted the "One True Faith" but we have a whole wall full of Catholic Press Awards to demonstrate to Our Holy Father and His Eminence that we're doing a sterling job on their behalf.

No amount of abuse and ridicule will take away from us the laurels we received for our coverage of The Great Lamington Scandal — honest journalism where recipes met reality!

I have asked Fergal O'Dobbin to join us in the campaign.

Father Farzenheim, that Soldier for the Lord will also be invited.

Remember the principles of The Cleft Stick!

Ignatius McDrool

Mr McDrool welcomes your news tips, particularly those concerning new apparitions and miraculous type events as well as parish pump type material concerning cake decorating competitions and local fetes.

©2006 Clifford Baxter

[Cliff's Menagerie Archive]