What to do with the surplus Holy Oils...

Cindy settled into her new job as sacristan and learned that at least once a year all the Sacred Oils used for Baptism and Anointing need to be strained. Father showed her how to strain the oil through fine muslin to remove any impurities with the caution "One has to be very careful not to spill any of this blessed oil".

Cindy noticed some other little bottles of oil left over from previous years gathering dust in the back of the cupboard but made no comment.

Well, some months later her first Easter in the sacristy came around. Fr Cunning explained that new oils would be blessed at the Cathedral at a special Chrism Mass in Holy Week during which all the priests of the archdiocese would be present to renew their priestly vows. It sure all sounded like "secret men's business" to Cindy so she was most surprised when Father asked a couple of the parish ladies, including herself, if they would like to come to the mass. Wow. He further asked if they would be willing to be included in a procession and carry flasks of the oils from the rear of the cathedral to the altar with the Offertory Procession, ready for blessing by the Bishop.

Cindy was overjoyed and fussed around as to what clothes she could wear that would be appropriate for the occasion and make her hips look slender when in actuality they were very motherly and well padded. The night at the Cathedral arrived and a special cape was placed over the shoulders of those carrying the precious jars of oils. Cindy was not prepared for the weight of the jug and struggled down the aisle. She tried to make it look light, hoping like crazy she did not embarrass herself forever by dropping the lot and having people slipping over then suing the Cathedral for damages. Spilling sacred oil would also surely be a mortal sin!

Following the blessings, each parish priest took small phials of the oils home to their parishes to be used during the following year and this is where it all fell apart for Cindy. Picture Cindy in a musty old fashioned sacristy (save for her bowl of fresh flowers!) with nice newly labeled little bottles of blessed oils from the cathedral plus the bottles she had strained earlier in the year and the little dusty old ones that lay dormant in the back of the cupboard! Fr Cunning surveyed the scene and decided it was time they would do a good clean out of the cupboard.

"We only need these new oils," he said "and the small amount we have left from last year."

"So what about these other little bottles at the back of the cupboard," Cindy asked innocently.

Father mused "Well, they have to be disposed of reverently, best if we bury them in the garden."

"What?" Cindy almost screamed at him with a look of total astonishment. "This is blessed oil," she gasped, "you can't just bury it!"

Father began to look a tad flustered and said "We will never use this much oil Cindy."

Cindy promptly suggested that the unused and unwanted oil could be given to the parish special ministers of the Eucharist to bless the elderly when they took them Communion.

It was noticeable by then that Father's voice had also raised a notch in volume as he struggled with this outrageous suggestion.

He looked Cindy in the eyes and stated firmly: "It would demean the sanctity of the oils if lay people were to use them."

Whoa there. Cindy could by then feel hot tears pricking in her eyes and her bristles were raised as a cat who sees an intruder in their yard. "I can't believe this," she squeaked, "you would prefer to bury this oil in a pile of dirt rather than have a lay person touch it?"

No answer from the by now somewhat annoyed and flustered revered Father.

"Hmppph," Cindy replied. "Well you better do it when I am not around and don't ask me to help you. I think it is sinful waste."

When Cindy returned the following day, the old oils were gone and she knew that in the dead and cover of night, the oils had been buried in his garden. She hoped it was not the same spot where she had seen a cat digging the previous day to unload its bowels. Or perhaps even cat excreta is considered higher than lay people was the thought that stormed through Cindy's mind.

Yes, Fr B Cunning did not take on a compliant little work-horse when he gave the job to the Cindy. This was just the beginning. What about the fiasco when the Bishop came to visit? Better save that tale of hilarious woe till next time!

Cindy

Cindy the Sacristan is a new character entering our pages. The first new character to be written by one of our other readers whose imagination has been fired by Cliff's Menagerie. In reality these are real-life memoirs of one of our members who would prefer to remain anonymous.

[Cindy's Archive]