Dear friends,

On the discussion forum this morning Fr Alex Caughey started an interesting conversation about symbol and the ultimate meaning of our faith (See "The heart of the matter" HERE). In my contribution to that discussion I made mention of the recent "liturgy" written and prepared by my son, Ben, and his partner following the death of their first son (and my grandson), Aza Jasper. As I wrote in that post: "Most people would have gone to the funeral directors, or sought a minister of religion and purchased an 'off the shelf' liturgy. They didn't do that. They wrote one, and went and manufactured, wrote or collected all the symbols they used in the ceremony for themselves. Our bishops and professional liturgists in the Church would have learned heaps from watching the whole process unfold. This was liturgy 'written from the heart' and also written from somewhere down 'in the soul' and that native place where ultimately, I think, we come closest to the Divine."

Obviously it is impossible to re-create that "liturgy" here but I would like to share with you at least the words that Ben shared with us during the funeral…

Ben's address…

We are here to celebrate the life of Aza-Jasper. Thank you all for coming, it means a lot. We spent 10 amazing and inspiring months with this growing child and forged a very special connection. Of course there are no words for this tragedy but love must also be spoken so I have written a poem.

AZA

Soft like a light
You took my breath away
And carried me
Your small blue feet floating in a vision
veiled in the night
That cold cold night
Frozen in time
In heart and mind
The fire crackled calling out
and you so hard tried
Pulsing in the palms of our hands
Like a star you opened eyes
And shined
On you mothers breast
You looked up at her
You looked at me
Those deep dark majestic eyes
You tried so hard to breathe
Little Buddha little child
My tears for you
Dry me out like a desert
I am drought
Parched, empty and wide open
You brought the rhythm
You brought the rain
But now our bucket is broken
You the joy, the dream, the grains of hope
To bloom
This pain, way to soon
I held you like the crescent moon
Child of goddess and gods
All faeries and spirits gathered in anticipation of your birth
But you my darling were too beautiful for this earth

My tears are chains and wings
I breathe into the annihilation of all logic and reason
And scream from every single cell in my swollen body
But the "WHY' is not big enough
The letters not large enough
They need to feed like volcanoes that block out the sun
my wretched flesh crying out
echoing forever in the gaping hole in my heart
where the image of your little blue Buddha face
sleeps forever,
Aza for Eva

I am as confused as leaves in a storm
My sail is gashed, ripped and torn
This ocean of tears will flood all lands
your perfect small feet in the palms of my hands
I feel so present and so removed
Dancing drifting to a distant tune
Slow motion sickness
walking the moon
black hole craters swallow me

Your mother is an angel
And I have seen her fly
With the force of all nature
She sent you safely to us
Embracing
The happiest and saddest moments in my life
All in a day
All in a blur
All lost in a row
And safe in the deep canyon you carved into me

You are the beginning and the end
The A the Z the A
The full circle
The cycle, the spiral
the reality of being
Beyond duality, and seeing
Shattering all veils of illusion between life and death
First, birth and final breath

Now your mother cries
her body pining for your inner touch
I can hardly fathom her experience, her pain, too much
I cave in
Avalanching emotion into rubble
I fall
I've never cared more
And you broke our hearts so deeply open
we embrace a world of lost children
of saddened souls
Now there is no point but a poignant point in everything
In every direction
Rippling out from here
Now
A clear cry in the wilds
Of our hearts
That primal space of our brain
To embrace every last moment together
As family as friends as parents
It is all decaying so fast
And we may miss it before it is gone
Unless
We take the opportunity now to rest
in each others arms
To embrace every last moment together
To treasure

	A father sleeps with his sleeping son.

Jasper, Arabic for 'keeper of treasure'
A cheeky pirate prince sailing high the seas
That spirit ocean
And we dance, you and me and your angel mother three
On the waves of wonder
Those long moments I prayed over your head
oh my child my little boy
I tried so hard
I prayed with all the will and love I could find
to every good god and goddess I had ever heard
tried to keep so positive
tried so hard my little darling, it wasn't enough

But those prayers
They explode with a fierce passion
And expand into infinity
On and on and on
In that dreamy stillness
Where we remain free

He shared his treasure with us all
special healing medicine
Of seeing abundant strength in one another
Of seeing Love in all the small things
And gratitude for the connections we hold in our hearts
May we never ever forget

Aza, you wanted to stay
But you had to go
It must have been hard
You knew how deeply we loved you
These moments so potent so precious so pure
So deeply deeply sacred
You teach us so much about life and death
Cherishing every moment we have together
The illusion of this material plane
So inane
so insane
We will be with you again my baby boy
We can do all those things we dreamed of
We will all keep you warm in our hearts
You are with us now
We love you so very much

Only two words seem appropriate to me as I again wipe the tears from my eyes as I finish laying out these words. They're the words Ben's mother, Carmel, and I used to end both the birth notices for all of our children and the death notices for those who died: "Deo Gratias!" …Brian Coyne

Brian Coyne is the editor and publisher of Catholica Australia.

We welcome your thoughts in response to this commentary in our forum.

Brian Coyne can be contacted at: Brian Coyne <editor@catholica.com.au>

©2007 Brian Coyne

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