New-ish father, Dr Andrew Thomas
Kania, reflects on Fatherhood for Father's Day.
The second Secretary-General of the United Nations Dag
Hammarskjöld, a profoundly private and spiritual man,
when being interviewed about his family background in a radio interview
in 1953, briefly lifted the guise:
"From generations of soldiers and government officials
on my father's side I inherited a belief that no life was more satisfactory
than one of selfless service to your country — or humanity. This service
required a sacrifice of all personal interests, but likewise the courage
to stand up unflinchingly for your convictions. From scholars and clergymen
on my mother's side, I inherited a belief that, in the very radical sense
of the Gospels, all men were equals as children of God, and should be
met and treated by us as our masters in God."
Hammarskjöld's father, Hjalmar,
the first Prime Minister of Sweden, although a foreboding and stern figure,
was an integral part of who Dag would one day become. Born the last of
four brothers, (all who were to be prominent men in Swedish public life),
Dag grew up in the university town of Uppsala, in a castle, with a view
spanning the entire city. As a child, Dag was driven by his father toward
academic excellence and honour in public life — to Hjalmar, it was
vital to live a life worthy of one's ancestors. The search for excellence
was uncompromising. Within the precincts of the Hammarskjöld family
home, mother and father were juxtaposed personalities; Hjalmar was cold
and deliberate, Agnes was warm and spontaneous. Agnes gave her son a joy
for living, an aesthetic and spiritual appreciation of the world; Hjalmar,
a reason for being, a driven sense of vocation, which inevitably launched
him on to the global stage. This combination of paternal and maternal
influence brought the genius of Hammarskjöld to full fruition. The
mother gave the arrow, the father charted its course.
The understated importance of the father in childhood
development…
The importance of the father in the development of the child has often
been understated possibly as an argument for the absence of a father within
the modern family. Much significant research, however, reveals that the
father's place in the family is critical to the healthy development of
the child.
 In
her study, Second Chances: Men, Women, and
Children a Decade After Divorce Professor
Judith Wallerstein (1989) noted
of children growing in a fatherless home, that boys in particular who
have no access to, or relationship with their fathers are more likely
to develop deep-seated emotional and behavioural problems, which include
aggressive behaviour, poor academic performance, and difficulty in establishing
interpersonal relationships. Wallerstein pointed out that these difficulties
commonly surface during puberty: "Boys often have a hard time
taking the first step into manhood without some sense on the father saying,
'I have confidence in you. You're important.' They fear not being loved."
 Wallerstein
continues, that for young girls in fatherless homes there is a fear "of
being abandoned", an enormous vacuum to be loved by a significant
male figure, which can lead to promiscuity and other insecurities. In
her follow-up study The Unexpected Legacy
of Divorce, Wallerstein
(2001) concluded that even three decades later,
the absence of a father in the lives of her research cohort had not been
effectively reconciled.
Fatherhood is one of God's greatest gifts, as it affirms the human person
as co-creator with God in the plan of universal love and goodness. The
responsibilities it requires are counterbalanced by the joys and honours
it bestows. It is an important skill for a man to develop qualities required
for fatherhood. But where shall sufficient role modelling be found?
The story of Joseph and Jacob and "the courage to
love" …
The Old Testament provides us with many examples of the role, importance
and love of a father. One such vivid account is that of Jacob
and his son, Joseph. Jacob sees in his son far more than himself
regenerated in youth; he sees incarnated, the love which he had shared
with his wife Rachel. For Jacob, the love of a father was the incomparable
delight of having brought a new life into this world. Jacob rejoiced when
Joseph was happy, and his heart was rent when his son's blood-stained
coat was placed in his arms.
Jacob understood that fatherhood was a life-long commitment of love,
and even after he thought his son dead, his heart pined for the vision
once more of his child. As Genesis (37: 34-35, NRSV)
tells us: "Then Jacob tore his garments, and put sackcloth on
his loins, and mourned for his son many days. All his sons and all his
daughters sought to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted and said,
'No, I shall go down to Sheol to my son, mourning'. Thus his father bewailed
him".
It is evident from the life of Jacob, that fatherhood requires much
more than the simple bodily function of the sexual act; it is a state
of being; it is a state of becoming; a free choice to begin life anew,
not only for the child, but also for the man who begets the child. The
life of father and child are inextricably entwined, as Wallerstein tells
us. It requires a maturity of spirit in which selflessness and sacrifice
replaces selfishness and self-aggrandisement; it
requires the courage to love.
The modern man, both father and son, live with a mixture of fear and
hope. So often we as men wait too long to express what lies in our hearts.
We hope, and wait for the right moment to be honest, hoping that it will
come before it is too late. We fear the honesty of our love and the vulnerability
needed to express it fully. We spend our lives wanting to appear strong,
hiding the love which lies within so as not to appear weak. This mixture
of fear and hope may find some resolution in Scripture; to see how fathers
loved their children, with an unashamed openeness. In Jacob's death-bed
farewell we see a calm, loving man, extending his blessing to his adult
children. Conversely, in Joseph's subsequent sorrow (Genesis
50: 1, NRSV): "Then Joseph threw himself on his
father's face and wept over him and kissed him" we see a son
bearing the new mantle of father to his people, as Jacob had done before
him, a son still needing a father, but now a man who must be father to
others, a son required to stand in his father's footprints.
There is in modern literature few more beautiful examples of love poetry
than that depicted in the Irish lyric, Danny
Boy. In this folk-song a son departs the family home to
go travelling. On the hills stands his father, who with a heart filled
with love sings a longing lament:
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Danny
Boy
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But if you come,and all the leaves are
falling,
And I am dead, as dead I well may be,
You'll come and find the place where I am lying, And kneel and say
an "Ave" there for me.
And I will hear how soft your tread above me,
And all my grave will sweeter, softer be,
And I will hear you tell me that you loved me, And I will rest in
peace until you come to me.
Why withhold such sentiments for the day when only the hills hear
us, or when our sons leave our homes for the last time? Why fear
to utter life's most important words in the hope of days which may
not ever dawn?
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 Andrew
Thomas Kania is a visiting scholar at Oxford University where
he is completing a book on Dag Hammerskold. He has taken 12 months
leave of absence from his position as Director of Spirituality at
Aquinas College, Manning in Western Australia to complete this book.
Prior to this appointment at Aquinas Dr. Kania was a lecturer for
the School of Religious Education at the University of Notre Dame
Australia as well as for the Catholic Institute of Western Australia
at Edith Cowan and Curtin Universities. Dr. Kania belongs to the
Ukrainian Church and is interested in ecumenical issues as well
as contemporary problems facing religious educators.
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©2007
Dr Andrew Thomas Kania
[Andrew Kania's Archive]
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