This is a particularly thought-provoking reflection by Dr Kania on the nature of our spiritual quest. It is a plea for a more mature form of faith expression than the often parodied picture of religiosity that is often presented in the media — and which some religious people give cause to the media to parody.

	Thor Heyerdahl (1914-2002)

The Norwegian explorer Thor Heyerdahl (1914-2002) famed for his odyssey across the Pacific Ocean on a balsa wood raft, the Kon-Tiki, would appear to have been a man mindless of the thought of drowning. Born in the town of Larvik, Heyerdahl had nearly drowned twice as a child and recollected: "If you had asked me as a 17-year-old whether I would go to sea on a raft, I would have absolutely denied the possibility. At that time, I suffered from fear of the water". An aquaphobic, Heyerdahl eventually conquered his fear when at the age of 22 he fell into a river in Tahiti and swam to safety. His Kon-Tiki expedition was therefore not the journey of a small raft across a great ocean, but the affirmation by one man that the chains which bind tightest, are those which we invent to constrain ourselves; the expedition was a testament to self-mastery.

Centuries earlier it was discovered that the great mystic and Doctor of the Church, St. Teresa of Avila, had inscribed on a bookmark found in her prayer book the following words: "Let nothing disturb you, Let nothing dismay you. All things pass; God never changes. Patience attains all it strives for. The one who has God, finds that nothing is lacking, God alone suffices". These were extraordinary words to have kept as a perpetual reminder, for St. Teresa was known for the calmness of her demeanour. Yet as Heyerdahl after her, it is probably true to say that the eventual effect was rooted in an underlying anxiety as a cause — a challenge thrown out by St. Teresa to the darker side of her nature. Historians and biographers now concur that the youthful Teresa had been fearful of Hell, and the wrath of God — perhaps the bookmark was a continued source of solace; her calmness and joy, a product of fear having been faced and conquered.

In both cases, that of St. Teresa and Heyerdahl, we see an individual struggling to grow into fullness.

All of us face inner battles between the good within us, (which we know to be endemic, and God-created), and the evil which we are so often tempted to do. This battle is fundamental to Christian theology, and the greatest Saints have described it: "For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do" (Romans 7: 19, NRSV). St. Augustine in The City of God even counters the argument that infants can do no evil, by describing the scene of twins clawing one another for a mother's breast. We are God's children, but we have a free will, to choose God or not, to choose good or ill.

Knowledge of our ability to do both good or evil is critical to spiritual growth. As the first step to wisdom lies in the acknowledgement of personal ignorance; so the first step to holiness lies in the recognition of personal failings and weaknesses. We can only recoil when we understand the danger; hence, Heyerdahl was so brave, because he knew he was deeply fearful; St. Teresa, so calm, because something within, needed to be challenged; the Saints so good, as they were able to recognise evil.

This does not mean that we should be as the monks portrayed in Monty Python's, The Holy Grail, shuffling, dismayed, pathetic creatures with planks of wood, belting our foreheads in penitence, despising our very selves as sinners. If such be the case, why wake up in the morning? God is a far more understanding Doctor of the Soul, than many give Him credit. Hosea teaches us: "For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings" (Hosea 6: 6, NRSV). Similarly, the penitential adulterer King David sings in a Psalm: "if I were to give a burnt-offering, you would not be pleased. The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, you will not despise" (Psalm 51: 16-17, NRSV).

The spiritual journey requires of the soul the honesty to look squarely at itself, to know what motivates, what scares, what fills with anxiety, what brings us to tears of joy and tears of sadness. As best we can, we must strive to look at ourselves with the gaze of our Creator, knowing what we are, and what we were created to be; knowing that we are incomplete, but a priceless jewel even in this incompletion and brokenness. It is this introspection which St. Paul counsels when he teaches: "For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known" (1 Corinthians 13: 12, NRSV). God calls for an awareness of self, an awareness of neighbour, an awareness of Him, rather than flagellation, which can become a source of morbid enjoyment and pride.

	Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

The journey inward can lead to what Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) described as Fear and Trembling — a meeting with God which drags us beyond what we previously considered were the limits of our being. For Kierkegaard, "Faith is a marvel, and yet no human being is excluded from it; for that in which all human life is united is passion, and faith is a passion." The individual should be passionate about who they are, passionate about their Creator, and their path to Him. This self-examination is the initial step of the journey and can be a daunting time. The Kon-Tiki expedition always lay in the being of Heyerdahl, even during his hours of utmost fear; it lay there waiting for him to have the courage to face his aquaphobia. The Gettysburg Address was always within Abraham Lincoln, even when he sat despondent believing himself to be a failure. The poetry of Elizabeth Barrett was always within her, even before the recluse had her first visit from Robert Browning. Similarly Divine seeds lie within each of us, waiting to be germinated through Faith. We can ignore these seeds as the fabled cave man of Plato, believing life is but the shadows on a wall, or we can risk taking the step outside the parameters we impose, or have had imposed, and thus come to an understanding that what this life offers is far more than wealth and accolades, but a quest for the maximization of being.

There are times in each day when anger, impatience, fear, anxiety, jealousy and an admixture of other emotions, threaten the higher natures of our beings. We are not called on by Christ to deny that we have these feelings, for this would be hypocrisy, but to keep our eyes fixed on Him, in order to transform all these feelings and events into our cobblestone path to personal salvation.

IMAGE SOURCES: The Kon Tiki image used in the headline is sourced from www.kiermeet.com. Clicking on the other images will take you to the original source for each image.

©2007 Dr Andrew Thomas Kania

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